Yeah it’s needed, worst thing I did was give the kids a tablet with YouTube on it.
We tell our 12 year old that she has to get off her phone by 21 00
——————
This is a good idea. Sorry it’s been difficult and she answers back
I don’t have children. However I’ll sometimes be on my phone late at night and it definitely affects my sleep. I really should stop looking at it after say, 10pm
I’d lock the phone in a cupboard at 9pm. You’ve got to set boundaries and stick to them.
Also, your router probably has some time settings, if not you could do it manually. At 9pm just add the mad address of her phone into a black list, then no internet for her. You’d have to enure she has no data on her phone plan.
Screen time is a nightmare for parents.
One observation is that by kicking off she is getting what she wants. You need to break that cycle.
Yes,bad parenting it seems, and if you can't control them at 12,just wait a couple of years.
Be a real Dad ,be a man !
Did this for years in a boarding house with 50 teenagers.
Rules were younger teenagers had to hand in phones and laptops/devices at 9pm, older ones at 9:30pm. These were the rules from the get-go and if they didn't follow it, they had to be sanctioned with demerits or detentions.
You get good at identifying fake phones or where laptop cases were filled with textbooks etc.
Clear rules from the get-go make it seem natural, as does clear and consistent sanctioning.
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
OP.. yeah I do.
Out for a meal....phones get put away.
At home.....I will tell them...enough put phones away.
If they say they are bored...I get the board games out or we watch a film together or we do art/ homework.
comment by Ace (U22861)
posted 2 minutes ago
One thing I’d say to you mate is do not cave and give the phone back, it makes you look weak and means she’ll think she can get what she wants by screaming and shouting. Not only not good for now, but not a good concept for her to take into the future as she goes into young adulthood.
One thing I’ve learned from parenting, from my wife to be fair who read all the books, is you have to be consistent with discipline and actually do what you say you’re gonna do. Empty threats results in unruly kids who know there are no consequences for their actions.
I imagine girls are trickier than boys, everybody says so. I have two boys, eldest has just turned 12. He does football, scouts and swimming, and also cricket during the summer. He has an Xbox which he likes to play FIFA and Rocket League on, he’s allowed on it on Tuesdays as he has nothing on, and over the weekend. The routine is pretty well set, and we are clear with him “you can play until X time”. I tend to give him a ten minute warning as inevitably when I ask him to come off it’s “5 more minutes, just let me finish this game”. He’s got a phone but he’s not so bothered, I get the impression girls are more into their phones. It seems as they become 12+ a lot of things turn into a negotiation, which is natural as they are testing their boundaries etc but you have to assert your authority.
I would try to set routines, have agreed usage times and times to come off, give a 15 minute warning and if there are any issues stand your ground. Also, don’t be a hypocrite - no good demanding the kid gets off their phone if you and the missus are sat there on yours. Lead by example. We’ve got a box by the front door, we all put our phones in there when it’s family time like meals, movie nights or if we’re playing a game or whatever.
Simple, agreed rules that you all stick to so that after a while it becomes an accepted routine. Not saying it’s the best way, I may be wrong, but seems to work fine in our house.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Excellent post. Consistency/routine is key and you have to follow through with sanctions.
We thought about limiting screen time but I'm actually finding if you give the responsibility from a young age to the child rather than dictating to them, they can make their own decisions more responsibly. If you leave that too late then it will be more difficult, you have to sow the seed early.
My eight year old will use his ipad/TV for YouTube first thing in the morning when he wakes, he will keep an eye on the time, come downstairs at 8 and have his breakfast, brush his teeth etc and then he will go back to his room and get dressed.
When he gets home from school he will do his homework before he looks at a screen, which takes about two hours. Then he'll be at a screen for a few hours between, Switch, iPad and TV. He'll have a snack, usually fruit and then he will tell us he's tired around 9:30 and go to bed without using any screen.
Of course now and again he'll need a reminder.
"In the end I just gave the phone back. I cant be bothered to go through that nonsense which is what she pulls every time."
This is the worst thing you can ever do. Make a parenting decision and then go back on it due to the child's behaviour. This teaches them to behave badly to get your own way works.
comment by HarlequinHebdo (U16981)
posted 24 minutes ago
Yes,bad parenting it seems, and if you can't control them at 12,just wait a couple of years.
Be a real Dad ,be a man !
----------------------------------------------------------------------
My own dad was very controlling. Even to the point where he is telling me that I will be married and have kids because he says so. When I was 18 I told him I was going to the pub to celebrate my birthday. I might as well have told him that I had just shot somebody judging by his ott reaction. I want to be the opposite of what my old man was. If I answered back. I slap on the face would do the trick but that is not an option now.
I have threatened to cancel her contract.
Its me paying and not her
All the screaming and shouting will be ignored.
She will probably accuse me of child abuse.
comment by There'sOnlyOneRed's (U1721)
posted 11 minutes ago
"In the end I just gave the phone back. I cant be bothered to go through that nonsense which is what she pulls every time."
This is the worst thing you can ever do. Make a parenting decision and then go back on it due to the child's behaviour. This teaches them to behave badly to get your own way works.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
This 100%, your lack of backbone will create a nightmare entitled can’t.
comment by Fik Tossa (U22768)
posted 1 minute ago
I have threatened to cancel her contract.
Its me paying and not her
All the screaming and shouting will be ignored.
She will probably accuse me of child abuse.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Haha, you don’t have to cancel the contract.
You can simply have the phone locked by the provider.
A great form of punishment, I’ve used it and in works.
As said, your strength in the situation now, will be to the benefit of you all in the future,it can be hard, seemingly callous at times,but it will save a lot more heartache in the future..........
and don't forget that girls of this age are very astute ,especially where dad is concerned.
You need a cupboard with a hook..I find after hanging on the hook in the dark for a few hrs, well... kinda sedates them...you cant hear them cry anyway...
No charge for the advice!!
As a parent you have to get rules/routines in early, this essentially preempts a lot potential negative situations and as another poster above mentioned just becomes normality.
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
comment by United we win (U19958)
posted 53 seconds ago
I’m going to be 100% like my dad with my son. Even to this day I’d not dare to question him or raise my voice to him because of pure respect for his authority. My dad didn’t need to even say a word, his eyes would be enough to tell me to stop a bad behaviour and not dare continue it. Just the eyes. However I respect and love him to this day.
You need authority unfortunately society today is too soft and doesn’t allow discipline. Kids will grow up to do drugs, kill people, have endless baby daddies and no real home. The degeneracy is clear
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Yeah I think there's a middle ground between having no authority and treating your kids like soldiers. Both have negative outcomes when the child grows up, the former has been discussed but the latter can lead to controlling behaviour, domestic abuse etc.
comment by United we win (U19958)
posted 6 minutes ago
I’m going to be 100% like my dad with my son. Even to this day I’d not dare to question him or raise my voice to him because of pure respect for his authority. My dad didn’t need to even say a word, his eyes would be enough to tell me to stop a bad behaviour and not dare continue it. Just the eyes. However I respect and love him to this day.
You need authority unfortunately society today is too soft and doesn’t allow discipline. Kids will grow up to do drugs, kill people, have endless baby daddies and no real home. The degeneracy is clear
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
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Limiting screen time for kids
Page 1 of 5
posted on 19/11/22
Yeah it’s needed, worst thing I did was give the kids a tablet with YouTube on it.
posted on 19/11/22
We tell our 12 year old that she has to get off her phone by 21 00
——————
This is a good idea. Sorry it’s been difficult and she answers back
I don’t have children. However I’ll sometimes be on my phone late at night and it definitely affects my sleep. I really should stop looking at it after say, 10pm
posted on 19/11/22
I’d lock the phone in a cupboard at 9pm. You’ve got to set boundaries and stick to them.
posted on 19/11/22
Also, your router probably has some time settings, if not you could do it manually. At 9pm just add the mad address of her phone into a black list, then no internet for her. You’d have to enure she has no data on her phone plan.
posted on 19/11/22
Screen time is a nightmare for parents.
One observation is that by kicking off she is getting what she wants. You need to break that cycle.
posted on 19/11/22
Yes,bad parenting it seems, and if you can't control them at 12,just wait a couple of years.
Be a real Dad ,be a man !
posted on 19/11/22
Did this for years in a boarding house with 50 teenagers.
Rules were younger teenagers had to hand in phones and laptops/devices at 9pm, older ones at 9:30pm. These were the rules from the get-go and if they didn't follow it, they had to be sanctioned with demerits or detentions.
You get good at identifying fake phones or where laptop cases were filled with textbooks etc.
Clear rules from the get-go make it seem natural, as does clear and consistent sanctioning.
posted on 19/11/22
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
posted on 19/11/22
OP.. yeah I do.
Out for a meal....phones get put away.
At home.....I will tell them...enough put phones away.
If they say they are bored...I get the board games out or we watch a film together or we do art/ homework.
posted on 19/11/22
comment by Ace (U22861)
posted 2 minutes ago
One thing I’d say to you mate is do not cave and give the phone back, it makes you look weak and means she’ll think she can get what she wants by screaming and shouting. Not only not good for now, but not a good concept for her to take into the future as she goes into young adulthood.
One thing I’ve learned from parenting, from my wife to be fair who read all the books, is you have to be consistent with discipline and actually do what you say you’re gonna do. Empty threats results in unruly kids who know there are no consequences for their actions.
I imagine girls are trickier than boys, everybody says so. I have two boys, eldest has just turned 12. He does football, scouts and swimming, and also cricket during the summer. He has an Xbox which he likes to play FIFA and Rocket League on, he’s allowed on it on Tuesdays as he has nothing on, and over the weekend. The routine is pretty well set, and we are clear with him “you can play until X time”. I tend to give him a ten minute warning as inevitably when I ask him to come off it’s “5 more minutes, just let me finish this game”. He’s got a phone but he’s not so bothered, I get the impression girls are more into their phones. It seems as they become 12+ a lot of things turn into a negotiation, which is natural as they are testing their boundaries etc but you have to assert your authority.
I would try to set routines, have agreed usage times and times to come off, give a 15 minute warning and if there are any issues stand your ground. Also, don’t be a hypocrite - no good demanding the kid gets off their phone if you and the missus are sat there on yours. Lead by example. We’ve got a box by the front door, we all put our phones in there when it’s family time like meals, movie nights or if we’re playing a game or whatever.
Simple, agreed rules that you all stick to so that after a while it becomes an accepted routine. Not saying it’s the best way, I may be wrong, but seems to work fine in our house.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Excellent post. Consistency/routine is key and you have to follow through with sanctions.
posted on 19/11/22
We thought about limiting screen time but I'm actually finding if you give the responsibility from a young age to the child rather than dictating to them, they can make their own decisions more responsibly. If you leave that too late then it will be more difficult, you have to sow the seed early.
My eight year old will use his ipad/TV for YouTube first thing in the morning when he wakes, he will keep an eye on the time, come downstairs at 8 and have his breakfast, brush his teeth etc and then he will go back to his room and get dressed.
When he gets home from school he will do his homework before he looks at a screen, which takes about two hours. Then he'll be at a screen for a few hours between, Switch, iPad and TV. He'll have a snack, usually fruit and then he will tell us he's tired around 9:30 and go to bed without using any screen.
Of course now and again he'll need a reminder.
posted on 19/11/22
"In the end I just gave the phone back. I cant be bothered to go through that nonsense which is what she pulls every time."
This is the worst thing you can ever do. Make a parenting decision and then go back on it due to the child's behaviour. This teaches them to behave badly to get your own way works.
posted on 19/11/22
comment by HarlequinHebdo (U16981)
posted 24 minutes ago
Yes,bad parenting it seems, and if you can't control them at 12,just wait a couple of years.
Be a real Dad ,be a man !
----------------------------------------------------------------------
My own dad was very controlling. Even to the point where he is telling me that I will be married and have kids because he says so. When I was 18 I told him I was going to the pub to celebrate my birthday. I might as well have told him that I had just shot somebody judging by his ott reaction. I want to be the opposite of what my old man was. If I answered back. I slap on the face would do the trick but that is not an option now.
posted on 19/11/22
I have threatened to cancel her contract.
Its me paying and not her
All the screaming and shouting will be ignored.
She will probably accuse me of child abuse.
posted on 19/11/22
comment by There'sOnlyOneRed's (U1721)
posted 11 minutes ago
"In the end I just gave the phone back. I cant be bothered to go through that nonsense which is what she pulls every time."
This is the worst thing you can ever do. Make a parenting decision and then go back on it due to the child's behaviour. This teaches them to behave badly to get your own way works.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
This 100%, your lack of backbone will create a nightmare entitled can’t.
posted on 19/11/22
comment by Fik Tossa (U22768)
posted 1 minute ago
I have threatened to cancel her contract.
Its me paying and not her
All the screaming and shouting will be ignored.
She will probably accuse me of child abuse.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Haha, you don’t have to cancel the contract.
You can simply have the phone locked by the provider.
A great form of punishment, I’ve used it and in works.
posted on 19/11/22
As said, your strength in the situation now, will be to the benefit of you all in the future,it can be hard, seemingly callous at times,but it will save a lot more heartache in the future..........
and don't forget that girls of this age are very astute ,especially where dad is concerned.
posted on 19/11/22
You need a cupboard with a hook..I find after hanging on the hook in the dark for a few hrs, well... kinda sedates them...you cant hear them cry anyway...
No charge for the advice!!
posted on 19/11/22
As a parent you have to get rules/routines in early, this essentially preempts a lot potential negative situations and as another poster above mentioned just becomes normality.
posted on 19/11/22
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
posted on 19/11/22
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
posted on 19/11/22
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
posted on 19/11/22
comment by United we win (U19958)
posted 53 seconds ago
I’m going to be 100% like my dad with my son. Even to this day I’d not dare to question him or raise my voice to him because of pure respect for his authority. My dad didn’t need to even say a word, his eyes would be enough to tell me to stop a bad behaviour and not dare continue it. Just the eyes. However I respect and love him to this day.
You need authority unfortunately society today is too soft and doesn’t allow discipline. Kids will grow up to do drugs, kill people, have endless baby daddies and no real home. The degeneracy is clear
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Yeah I think there's a middle ground between having no authority and treating your kids like soldiers. Both have negative outcomes when the child grows up, the former has been discussed but the latter can lead to controlling behaviour, domestic abuse etc.
posted on 19/11/22
comment by United we win (U19958)
posted 6 minutes ago
I’m going to be 100% like my dad with my son. Even to this day I’d not dare to question him or raise my voice to him because of pure respect for his authority. My dad didn’t need to even say a word, his eyes would be enough to tell me to stop a bad behaviour and not dare continue it. Just the eyes. However I respect and love him to this day.
You need authority unfortunately society today is too soft and doesn’t allow discipline. Kids will grow up to do drugs, kill people, have endless baby daddies and no real home. The degeneracy is clear
----------------------------------------------------------------------
posted on 19/11/22
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
Page 1 of 5