What has the premiership and a cordless drill got in common?
No Leeds.
Not the best, but at least you've made the effort
Q: How many Man U fans does it take to pave a driveway?
A: Depends how thin you slice them.
Q: How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they've been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit.
Q: What do Manchester fans use as birth control?
A: Their personalities.
A Man Utd fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Man Utd shirt. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter in a Arsenal scarf.
"Hello mate" says St. Peter, "I'm sorry, no Man Utd fans in heaven."
"What ?" exclaims the man, astonished.
"You heard, no Man Utd fans."
"But, but, but, I've been a good man", replies the Man Utd supporter.
"Oh really", says St. Peter. "What have you done, then ?"
"Well" said the guy, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 10 pounds to the starving children in Africa".
"Oh" says St. Peter. "anything else?"
"Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 10 pounds to the homeless."
"Hmmm. Anything else?"
"Yeah. A week before I died I gave 10 pounds to the Albanian orphans."
"Okay", said St. Peter, "You wait here a minute while I have a word with the governor."
Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns. He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your thirty quid back, now fk off".
Love the fact meme knows an anti leeds joke, says it all really.
Foreverleeds
I like it
Leeds=life Keep trying
Q: What do you get if you cross a Monkey with a Liverpudlian?
A: Nothing. The monkeys are far too clever to sc rew a Liverpudlian.
Q: Why do Sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
A: So they ain't mistaken fur a Liverpudlian women.
Q: If you see a Liverpool Fan on a bike, why should you never swerve to hit him?
It might be your bike...
OK here goes.................
Frustrated wife thinks her husband thinks more of Leeds United than he does of her, so in desperation she visits her local tattooist and tells him
"I want a pic of Billy Bremner on the inside of my right thigh right at the top, and i want a pic of Allan Clarke in the same place on my left thigh"
The tattooist says " i'm not great at faces but i'll do my best "
Anyway the wife get's her tattoos, goes home and waits for her husband to come in, When he does she lays on the couch ,opens her legs and say's
" What do you think of that then ?"
The husband gets down between her legs and say's...
" Not sure who those two on your legs are , but the one in the middles a dead ringer for Ken Bates "
Ive just bought a carlos tevez DVD.
F++++r wont play
I just bought the new fifa 12 game, its so realistic I tried to substitute tevez and he told me to f##k off
lancashire.......best two
Boy says to mum " I've got the biggest willy in school, is it cos I'm special ?" Mum replies " no it because you're 28 and an effing R3tard. Now be a good lad and don't spill spaghetti hoops down your Man U top.
I should'nt but............................
I heard Arsenal are changing their nickname to The Brewers.
They spend years making something great and bottle it at the end.
A team are desperately fighting relegation when their centre forward goes down after a collision of heads. After a couple of minutes the trainer tells the manager "he's got concussion and he can't remember anything, he doesn't even know his name'
The manager says ' tell him he's Thierry Henry'
Stolen off another forum-
Roberto mancini has said he'll be bringing in one new face in the january transfer window.
Apparently tevez and lescott are fighting over it already.
did yous here about the post office that recalled there laset stamps? they had pictures of man utd players on them...... and people couldnt figure which side to spit on
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
Gary Neville is the latest footballer linked to another super injunction, apparently the bird he sh agged doesn't want to be named.
Police have said the permier league referees headquarters have been broken into. All that was stolen was a wallet, 2 watches and S c u m's results for the 2011/12 season!
Emile Heskey turned up at Thrope Arch with a ruck sack. The security guard gets worried and asks him "what you got in there?" Emile replies "some counter feit tickets and d r u gs!" The security guard says "thank god for that I thought you'd brought your boots!"
In May the Premiership released a new larger Made in Swnasea, bottled in Cardiff.
Also A new cooking cube was releasee by oxo for Cardiff, its called the laughing stock !!!
Chelsea fans are up in arms about the proposed move away from Stamford Bridge,a spokesman said "You just can't bulldoze ten years of history...."
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Football jokes!!
Page 1 of 2
posted on 5/10/11
What has the premiership and a cordless drill got in common?
No Leeds.
posted on 5/10/11
Not the best, but at least you've made the effort
posted on 5/10/11
Q: How many Man U fans does it take to pave a driveway?
A: Depends how thin you slice them.
Q: How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they've been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit.
Q: What do Manchester fans use as birth control?
A: Their personalities.
posted on 5/10/11
A Man Utd fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Man Utd shirt. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter in a Arsenal scarf.
"Hello mate" says St. Peter, "I'm sorry, no Man Utd fans in heaven."
"What ?" exclaims the man, astonished.
"You heard, no Man Utd fans."
"But, but, but, I've been a good man", replies the Man Utd supporter.
"Oh really", says St. Peter. "What have you done, then ?"
"Well" said the guy, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 10 pounds to the starving children in Africa".
"Oh" says St. Peter. "anything else?"
"Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 10 pounds to the homeless."
"Hmmm. Anything else?"
"Yeah. A week before I died I gave 10 pounds to the Albanian orphans."
"Okay", said St. Peter, "You wait here a minute while I have a word with the governor."
Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns. He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your thirty quid back, now fk off".
Love the fact meme knows an anti leeds joke, says it all really.
posted on 5/10/11
This thread is a joke
posted on 5/10/11
Foreverleeds
I like it
Leeds=life Keep trying
posted on 5/10/11
Q: What do you get if you cross a Monkey with a Liverpudlian?
A: Nothing. The monkeys are far too clever to sc rew a Liverpudlian.
Q: Why do Sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
A: So they ain't mistaken fur a Liverpudlian women.
Q: If you see a Liverpool Fan on a bike, why should you never swerve to hit him?
It might be your bike...
posted on 5/10/11
OK here goes.................
Frustrated wife thinks her husband thinks more of Leeds United than he does of her, so in desperation she visits her local tattooist and tells him
"I want a pic of Billy Bremner on the inside of my right thigh right at the top, and i want a pic of Allan Clarke in the same place on my left thigh"
The tattooist says " i'm not great at faces but i'll do my best "
Anyway the wife get's her tattoos, goes home and waits for her husband to come in, When he does she lays on the couch ,opens her legs and say's
" What do you think of that then ?"
The husband gets down between her legs and say's...
" Not sure who those two on your legs are , but the one in the middles a dead ringer for Ken Bates "
posted on 5/10/11
Ive just bought a carlos tevez DVD.
F++++r wont play
posted on 5/10/11
I just bought the new fifa 12 game, its so realistic I tried to substitute tevez and he told me to f##k off
posted on 5/10/11
lancashire.......best two
posted on 5/10/11
really good ones guys
posted on 5/10/11
Lanc
posted on 5/10/11
Boy says to mum " I've got the biggest willy in school, is it cos I'm special ?" Mum replies " no it because you're 28 and an effing R3tard. Now be a good lad and don't spill spaghetti hoops down your Man U top.
posted on 5/10/11
I should'nt but............................
posted on 5/10/11
I heard Arsenal are changing their nickname to The Brewers.
They spend years making something great and bottle it at the end.
posted on 5/10/11
A team are desperately fighting relegation when their centre forward goes down after a collision of heads. After a couple of minutes the trainer tells the manager "he's got concussion and he can't remember anything, he doesn't even know his name'
The manager says ' tell him he's Thierry Henry'
posted on 5/10/11
Stolen off another forum-
Roberto mancini has said he'll be bringing in one new face in the january transfer window.
Apparently tevez and lescott are fighting over it already.
posted on 5/10/11
did yous here about the post office that recalled there laset stamps? they had pictures of man utd players on them...... and people couldnt figure which side to spit on
posted on 5/10/11
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
posted on 5/10/11
Gary Neville is the latest footballer linked to another super injunction, apparently the bird he sh agged doesn't want to be named.
posted on 5/10/11
Police have said the permier league referees headquarters have been broken into. All that was stolen was a wallet, 2 watches and S c u m's results for the 2011/12 season!
posted on 5/10/11
Emile Heskey turned up at Thrope Arch with a ruck sack. The security guard gets worried and asks him "what you got in there?" Emile replies "some counter feit tickets and d r u gs!" The security guard says "thank god for that I thought you'd brought your boots!"
posted on 5/10/11
In May the Premiership released a new larger Made in Swnasea, bottled in Cardiff.
Also A new cooking cube was releasee by oxo for Cardiff, its called the laughing stock !!!
posted on 5/10/11
Chelsea fans are up in arms about the proposed move away from Stamford Bridge,a spokesman said "You just can't bulldoze ten years of history...."
Page 1 of 2