well then you are definitely a potential novelist i'd say.

You really should read the Mason book. You might not appreciate the content, but you would definitely relish the narrative.

I'll look forward to reading it after this week.

My thanks for the compliment, though I'm not too good at long exchanges so the next part may be a little weak.

you dont understand

i aint scared of you motherfookers

Finished the piece, though, as I feared, the discourse seems a tad weak to me. It's also slightly over 750 words. Damn word limit, good job for the 10% rule.

you seem to still be in character a bit there SKA.

Come on then, let's see it.

Comment deleted by Site Moderator

Sorry, I forgot to put the paragraphs in. Had to cut quite a bit out, too, so it may look a lot different.

Does anyone want to do my reflective analysis for me?

the good Doctor’s spine
=============

oh yes

give me a few minutes. I may have some questions and suggestions.

No hurry, I'm a bit all over the place at the moment.

you've used plague you buggger

just give me a minute.

OK, im not finished, but i'll give you a few comments, while im still looking at it....

Generally, I think it would be a real shame if you couldn't get some of the stuff at the start of the first version in.

I have the following comments in relation to the individual paragraphs which are included in version 2 :

para 1 : no need for "QUITE". it seems a bit false.

para 2 : "just and lawful" is an improvement. I don't think façade is the right word.

para 3 : "philanthropic geniality" is it necessary to make the reader stop to remember what philanthropic means - even for a second ?

"them both" who both ? tbh, I don't like this sentence. after "the revelation" I suggest "of this image"

....

para 4 : why tongs ? do people know what tongs are ? the imagery in this passage is very clear, and using an implement which readers might not be able to visualise detracts from that. I also think that describing the tongs is a waste of words which could be used towards getting some of the earlier stuff back in.

I don't like the word unimaginative, because I don't understand the purspoe it is serving, and I don't totally follow that sentence. I suggest more words can be saved here.

Yeah, I might take out any suggestions about there being two people prior to the revelation.

Putting philanthropic in was my way of trying to adhere to Stevenson's style a little. Trying to write like I imagined a Victorian author would.

I do want to put a few things that I cut out back in. Just doing my reflective analysis now but I'll come back to edit it.

para 5 : suggest

"succeeded only in cracking the glass, and in distorting the image, rather than in eliminating/destroying it"

I'll take out tongs, then.

yeah, I get that, but I think that you do that effectively anyway. that was my point about "quite" - its only purpose was to provide an antiquated appearance, and as a result of that it stands out as being out of place. im not personally that fussed about philanthropic because it does actually serve a purpose, but I just think it might be a bit of a stumpling block and impact on the flow a little. just a thought though.

good idea about the tongs

Para 6

Suggest
" If the earlier reflection had chilled the Doctor to the core, THIS LATEST IMAGE DID MORE THAN CHILL THE DOCTOR TO THE CORE; IT STARED back at him now, ripped OUT HIS IDENTITY

(I introduced "identity" but im not sure if it's quite right. it's an important word though so worth considering)

I also think that a stronger word, could be used to replace "showed", but I don't know what it is to be honest.

Para 7 - no comment
Para 8 - no comment
Para 9 - no comment

Para 10 -i'd query whether "ambivelance" is the right word. I thought that meant that you don't care one way or the other, not that you change from one to the other.

Paras 11,12,13 suggest :

“But…why? YOU ARE A CURSE UPON ME. WHAT ACTION OF MINE MAKES ME DESERVING OF THIS PLAGUE ?”
“CURSE?” Hyde growled, the hatred momentarily overcoming the compassion in its eyes and the grin grotesquely reforming in the shape of a scowl. “My dear DOCTOR, I am the one that saved you! Or have you forgotten why you came to me, Henry…?”
“Do not flatter yourself, Hyde. You are the consequence of unsuppressed scientific curiosity, no more.” Dr Jekyll tried his hand at assertiveness; though fell short against his ALTER EGO. Hyde KNEW JEKYLL’S WORDS TO BE THE TRUTH.

Para 14 - suggest remove "sure".

suggest change "I gave this city" to "We gave this city"

Para 15

suggest : " “WE ? I AM A MAN OF STANDING, AND You....