-i'd query whether "ambivelance" is the right word. I thought that meant that you don't care one way or the other, not that you change from one to the other.

Ambivalence is two conflicting emotions being felt simultaneously.

ok, i'll take your word for it. cheers for the heads up

Para 16 - suggest, "Hyde riposted, his voice bolder and more pentrating than before"


That's where im up to. I'll have a look at the rest now, and have a look at the bit at the top that got taken out

Still think a lot of what you've done's really good

I do like the idea of bringing the Plague and Curse in to it sooner. Might be able to cut a good chunk out.

sounds good

Will have to put a sticky note on that one so that I alter it once the analysis is done.

“We ?” Jekyll stammered - wheeling across the floor in an apparently drunken lurch - “We ? I am a man of standing, and you are nought but a savage.” “You are nothing but a plague upon me; a parasitic plague”

ok, from "ingenuity and compassion" I think it's excellent again, except for the line about doing what needs to be done, and the final line, neither of which I quite get.

I think the paragraph which preceded "ingenuity and compassion" needs a bit of reflection. i'll try to make a suggestion in a mo.

What a bizarre conversation for a football forum.
Feel like I've accidentally wondered into an a-level English lesson.

A Level ?

The final phrase is actually a line form the book which I had hoped would tie up what Mr Hyde was doing. I may need to revise the build up to it.

Down to 766 now. Could've squeezed in some of my earlier opening if I'd saved it.

“do you mean ‘savagery’ ? ” Hyde riposted. “It would do you and your kind well to remember that man has not survived from his genesis until now by virtue of courtesy. Your kind has forgotten the passion within your ancestors which delivered you to this so called ‘age of englightenment’. One can not repress passion Jekyll or it will do thee harm. Your forgetfulness will be to your peril”.

"your forgetfulness will be your demise"

please would you consider putting the following back in

" The mirror, truthful until the end, "

“do you mean ‘savagery’ ? ” Hyde riposted. “It would do you and your kind well to remember that man has not survived from his genesis until now by virtue of courtesy. Your kind has forgotten the passion within your ancestors which delivered you to this so called ‘age of englightenment’. One can not repress passion Jekyll or it will do thee harm. Your forgetfulness will be to your peril”.

I like the first part of that. I'll probably revise the last two sentences.

The mirror, truthful until the end

Done

Really like "from his genesis", too.

btw, I think it needs to start like this :

"In the confines of his own home, the good Doctor paced to and fro like a man possessed. Upon the stroke of midnight, he noticed his surrounding for the first time in hours. He stood and sought out from amongst the dark and dingy workshop, the last of his candles. In the newly granted light of the small, flickering flames that littered the room, he happened upon a mirror - a mirror that reflected everything it saw plus more, to the Doctor. He saw at once what he had been and what he was now.
The mirror, truthful until the end, the way it had been intended, showed him his oily black hair...."


Is it possible to get that much back in ????

I should be able to fit it in now.

856, I'll cut a few bits out. Just need to rid myself of 31 words.

"to the Doctor" could go. maybe the oily hair ?

Anyway, this has been a good exercise in how to edit work

Terrific stuff SKA

Cheers. Few words to take out after the Oily hair but thanks for your help.

no worries.

enjoyed it

There, 825.

Now the analysis.