comment by Sylvia Vrethammar (U22339)
posted 9 minutes ago
What do you call a Spanish man hiding in your toilet?


Señor Bumhole
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lol saw this on fb earlier, acknowledged

Maria had just gotten married and was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was very nervous. Her mother reassured her;

'Don't worry, Maria, Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you. Meanwhile, I'll be making pasta.'

So, up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, 'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest.'

'Don't worry, Maria,' says the mother, 'all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you.'

So, up she went again.. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. 'Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!'

'Don't worry! All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you.'

So, up she went again. When she got there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes.

When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. 'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!'

Her Mama said, 'Stay here and stir the pasta.

I've been suffering from a bad back but it's cured now The Dr injected my spine with mercury Problem is I'm 6ft 2 in summer and 5ft 4 in winter

comment by downtheplughole (U22523)
posted 5 minutes ago
I've been suffering from a bad back but it's cured now The Dr injected my spine with mercury Problem is I'm 6ft 2 in summer and 5ft 4 in winter
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Acknowledged

What do Bluey and Bingo call Bob?

Grandpaw

I'm watching Bluey on free streaming but can't watch episodes 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59, 61, 67, 71, 73, 79, 83, 89 or 97.

Those are only on Amazon Prime.

The person who coined the well known phrase 'as different as chalk and cheese' obviously hadn't tasted Somerfield's own brand cheddar.

What kind of grades do pirates get in school? High C’s

A tree house is the biggest insult to a tree.

"Here, I killed your friend. Hold him."

comment by Jalisco Red (U4195)
posted 6 minutes ago
A tree house is the biggest insult to a tree.

"Here, I killed your friend. Hold him."
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comment by Pun (U21588)
posted 12 hours, 55 minutes ago
What kind of grades do pirates get in school? High C’s
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Pirate: I have moles on me back aaarrrghh.

Doc: It's ok, they're benign.

Pirate: Count again, I think there be ten!

comment by Jalisco Red (U4195)
posted 4 minutes ago
comment by Pun (U21588)
posted 12 hours, 55 minutes ago
What kind of grades do pirates get in school? High C’s
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Pirate: I have moles on me back aaarrrghh.

Doc: It's ok, they're benign.

Pirate: Count again, I think there be ten!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A slice of apple pie costs $1.50 in the Bahamas
A slice of cherry pie costs $1.75 in Grenada
A slice of key lime pie costs $1.45 in Jamaica
A slice of berry pie costs $2.25 in Barbados

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

comment by Pun (U21588)
posted 1 day, 1 hour ago
comment by Jalisco Red (U4195)
posted 4 minutes ago
comment by Pun (U21588)
posted 12 hours, 55 minutes ago
What kind of grades do pirates get in school? High C’s
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Pirate: I have moles on me back aaarrrghh.

Doc: It's ok, they're benign.

Pirate: Count again, I think there be ten!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A slice of apple pie costs $1.50 in the Bahamas
A slice of cherry pie costs $1.75 in Grenada
A slice of key lime pie costs $1.45 in Jamaica
A slice of berry pie costs $2.25 in Barbados

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

comment by Pun (U21588)
posted 1 day, 1 hour ago
comment by Jalisco Red (U4195)
posted 4 minutes ago
comment by Pun (U21588)
posted 12 hours, 55 minutes ago
What kind of grades do pirates get in school? High C’s
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Pirate: I have moles on me back aaarrrghh.

Doc: It's ok, they're benign.

Pirate: Count again, I think there be ten!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A slice of apple pie costs $1.50 in the Bahamas
A slice of cherry pie costs $1.75 in Grenada
A slice of key lime pie costs $1.45 in Jamaica
A slice of berry pie costs $2.25 in Barbados

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

I now identify as a Dwarf.

My pronouns are Hi/Ho.

Won my first cage fight earlier
F/cken parrot didn’t know what hit it

Don’t suppose any of you guys can remind me of the chiropractor joke I posted recently?

It was about a week back?

all three

Next years McDonald's staff get their
exam results today

My chiropractor is serious as hell
But he still cracks me up



My chiropractor and I got into a terrible fight in the middle of my neck treatment.
Now I have to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder.

What do you call two chiropractors who’ve got each other’s backs?

Vertebros

How do you stop your dog from barking in the back yard?

Put him in the front yard

comment by Brian Gittins (U1449)
posted 4 minutes ago
How do you stop your dog from barking in the back yard?

Put him in the front yard
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Paddy and his missus are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog barking. It had been barking for hours and hours.

Suddenly, Paddy jumps out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this," and goes downstairs.

Paddy finally comes back up to bed and his wife says, "The dog is still barking. What have you been doing?"

Paddy says, "I've put their dog in our yard - now we'll see how they like it!"