comment by Optional Screen Name (U23088)
posted 1 minute ago
comment by Christopher (U20930)
posted 18 seconds ago
comment by Optional Screen Name (U23088)
posted 4 minutes ago
the perfect parents
<<<<<<<<<<<insert wafer thin margin here if you can squeeze it in
my parents
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Like I said, even if they're terrible parents that's something you have to accept. Given their age they probably aren't going to change.

There's plenty of people out there with terrible parents who have landed on their feet. you've not had to have anything to do with them for 30 years. If they're an anchor around your neck like you're describing, it's on you to untie that rope at some point.
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I agree with much of this.
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You said you agree with 'much' what don't you agree with then?

He's just happy someone has said he's got terrible parents

It's ok you're not a fack up, it's your parents fault.

Brighton also play suicide football. That should be fun

comment by Optional Screen Name (U23088)
posted 41 seconds ago
comment by Peks - Comanche Moon (U6618)
posted 10 minutes ago
are you in any debt J ?
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no, no debt.
although without a job i'll be completely out of funds in a few months, even just spending c£60 a week as I have been for the last few months.
hopefully I'll land something soon.
As Blackpole said these things can turn round out of nowhere. I've drifted a long way down river looking for my exit though and the falls are getting louder!!!!! (ooo, the suspense).
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most ppl are in debit up to their eyeballs these days
you're not doing so bad...you owe nothing to nobody

comment by Bãleș left boot (U22081)
posted 1 minute ago
What would be the ideal (realistic) response from your parents?
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Well there are many things, even before this situation had developed.

But in response to the situation, instead of taking it gleefully as an opportunity to have a dog to kick when you've had a bad day, and more generally to play mummy and daddy and little Bill, in a make believe world like it's the 1970s again, and you're both still in your 40s, something more like,

"I'm not sure what I can do son, but it's obvious you're in a difficult situation and we need to try to sort it out and get you on track. I want you to know that I want to help if there's something I can do.
So firstly I want you to know that we are here for you. If you want to talk, let me know. I will find some time.
Secondly, if you want to go through some ideas together let's do it. If you want me to spend a day with you looking for jobs, let's do it. If you get offered a possible job, let's talk it through and see if I can add any insight which will help you make a decision.
If you need to do some extra training or qualification let's talk about that. If you need that funding, we can talk about that and see if it's possible.
If you get a good job, and have a dilema you need to make an important decision on, I will either say nothing, or I will take some time to understand it, think about it, and discuss it with you. What I won't do is give you very strong advice having thought about it for 20 seconds and not really understood what it is you're talking about anyway.
If you get one more really good senior job worth equivalent of probably £200k+ salary in the UK, and are worried about something and unsure whether to commit to it after your previous experience, we can talk it through. What I will not do though is persuade you to give it up to come home and build a business with me, and tell you we can sort the details out when you get home, and then when you get home offer you £17 an hour part time.
What I will not do is take literally anybody's side against you in any situation. If the photocopier bloke knocks on the door and calls you out for a fight because you asked him politely to take his shoes off as you'd been told to ask him, I will not come down and apologise to him and tell him I know exactly what you're like, and I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this.
If some bint on your course makes some bullshti allegation against you I will not turn my back on you without knowing anything about the situation.
If you go outside to calm down an argument between your mum and the gardener I will not come outside and yell "get back in the house you" at you.
If your half sister screams at you for using what she claims is her computer, because she uses it once a week for work, and demanding to know who the hell you think you are, when you are desperately trying to type an urgent letter, I will not disown you and tell you you're insane and out of my will and demand you go and apologise to her, if you speak back to her.
If she slaps you in the face for taking a bottle of milk out of the fridge, I will not take her side.
If soeone comes over to you at your granddad's funeral and says, "hello are you Bill?", I will not run over and literally shoo you away like a pigeon.
If you come over to talk to me at your half brother's wedding and I'm chatting with some of his rugby mates, I will not turn my back on you, pull a face and pretend I don't know you.
I will not spend years sucking up to your half brother and smirking at his put down remarks of you.
I will not make horrible cutting curse remarks to you at dinner whenever I've had a bad day.
I will not use england sports teams as euthemisms for your failure whenever they lose, and say what a load of RUBBISH after all the HYPE, or explain how you've always been there wanting them to win, and they're just blaady useless, and similar.
I won't boast that I've got everything I want in life while you have nothing and your life is in total disarray.
What I will also not do is communicate with you only via singing random things very loudly to make an obscure point, or by chuntering to myself through the door so that you overhear.
What I will not do is shout abusively at the top of my voice several times if a recruitment director phones you on my phone and hand you the phone and say "oh there you are, there's some woman on the phone wants to speak to you".
If you have an interview lined up I will not be so unpleasant to you that you have a breakdown on linkedin in despair.
If you come and tell me you're thinking about deregistering self employed, I won't turn the television on and pretend to be watching a discussion on GB News.
If you are going away somewhere on holiday when I can't get away myself, I will not come down the night before you go and be so unpleasant to you that you spend the whole holiday thinking what a horrible cent I am.
But most of all, what can I do to help you?

I will not turn christmas day into a competition as to which of us your nephew likes more, and generally ruin christmas day by making snarky remarks.
after you've kindly arranged a birthday dinner for me, and I ask if it was a surprise I won't say, "I'll surprise you one of these days pal".
if you've been living on my floor for 5 years and I overhear you saying you're depressed, I won't say, "depressed? what have YOU got to be depressed about?", and if you say "just my life really, " I won't say, "well you'd better do something about it then while you've got the chance" and leave no room for further discussion.
if you ask me when I'm in my 70s if you can contact a senior figure I know in the industry, I won't tell you no sorry because I might want to contact him for some work myself one of these days.
I will never come in to your room and say, "have you moved my cheese?"
I will never come and fiddle with the boiler while you're sat on the lavatory, and carry on regardless, and if I do and you say really I could do with some basic privacy I will not start shouting that it's my fkucing house I can do whatever I want.
I will not respond any time you challenge me in any way whatsoever for a period of several years by saying you're insane over and over again.

etc

You sound like a crazy person

whatever

he has been a lot better than last year or two in fairness.
95% of the unpleasantness has gone.
just the unhelpfulness and denial of any responsibility.

I have Whitney anyway.

comment by Bãleș left boot (U22081)
posted 1 hour, 5 minutes ago
What would be the ideal (realistic) response from your parents?
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"what can I do to help?"

"do you want to talk through things?"

and just generally, not adopting an at all costs position of:
-it's nothing to do with me
-it's not my problem and doesn't reflect on my achievements
-i've decided this is a perfectly ok existence for you

"what do you want to do?/what do you like doing?"
is another one which would have been good at some point.

They seem like reasonable expectations to be fair. However, bringing it back to your original question that kicked this all off 4 hours ago:
----
Am I right to hold my parents and particularly my dad significantly responsible for my situation
----
No. You're not right to do that. Have they affected it? Yeah. But they were also large contributors to the J that lived and did stuff before it all went to chit. They didn't make you lose your jobs or spend all your money.

I have yet to read & process what you have written J so will respond to that later.

Ultimately to be blunt (I was just thinking about what you said earlier). Whatever the support/lack of support you have from your Parents/Dad.

You are in a position where you have a roof over your head, a ton of skill & experience and have the <u> PRIVILIGE </u> of being able to live off of $60 p/w. Things could be better, and the feeing of wasted potential is infuriating - but you need to reframe your thoughts.

To be blunter, there's no point responding to that load of gibberish. Unless you're a mental health professional or clinically bored there's no facking point at best, at worst you'd actually be making things worse

loads more stuff.
cba to post it.
blah blah.

Sorry not sorry this is not the place to get the help you need

nothing abusive btw.
he gets 1 point for that.
1 point for some fun holidays
1 point for lots of presents.

he can have a few points.
10/100.

also he's worked very hard all his life.

anyway, change the subject.

comment by Bãleș left boot (U22081)
posted 7 minutes ago
Sorry not sorry this is not the place to get the help you need
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yeah it's turned into a shtishow on my part.
can't remember why i brought it up tbh.

comment by Edinspur (U1109)
posted 2 hours, 45 minutes ago
I dont know if you have done this tactic for jobs.

But in the job description include every word for the job that is important, in white text in your CV at the end of each of your sentences.

This means the AI picks up on the buzzwords but the recruiter/employer misses it.
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Solid advice Edin.

Also, if you have a chatgpt or copilot, ask one of them to knock you up a cv based on your experience and the job you are applying for. Make your personnel statement 150-200 words long and tailored to the job you are applying for. Have more than one CV, if you applying for different fields.

I use copilot sometimes to knock up a CV for my clients, and it's done in seconds. Blew my mind the first time I used it. All you have to do is edit it here and there afterwards.

Also cba reading everything but get yourself a job to overcome your current downswing and things will look bright again. Won't fix everything but it will help.

Yeah been trying sann, for a long time.
But thanks I know you are right in principle.

I mean any job. Always easier to get a better job when you are in work 👍🏻

comment by Optional Screen Name (U23088)
posted 1 hour, 29 minutes ago
I will not turn christmas day into a competition as to which of us your nephew likes more, and generally ruin christmas day by making snarky remarks.
after you've kindly arranged a birthday dinner for me, and I ask if it was a surprise I won't say, "I'll surprise you one of these days pal".
if you've been living on my floor for 5 years and I overhear you saying you're depressed, I won't say, "depressed? what have YOU got to be depressed about?", and if you say "just my life really, " I won't say, "well you'd better do something about it then while you've got the chance" and leave no room for further discussion.
if you ask me when I'm in my 70s if you can contact a senior figure I know in the industry, I won't tell you no sorry because I might want to contact him for some work myself one of these days.
I will never come in to your room and say, "have you moved my cheese?"
I will never come and fiddle with the boiler while you're sat on the lavatory, and carry on regardless, and if I do and you say really I could do with some basic privacy I will not start shouting that it's my fkucing house I can do whatever I want.
I will not respond any time you challenge me in any way whatsoever for a period of several years by saying you're insane over and over again.

etc

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I hope that you access the mental health support you need so badly soon. you're clearly carrying a lot of baggage that you haven't properly processed and that's leading to you catastrophizing some pretty small slights. To be frank, most (not all) of the things you've listed are incredibly minor and petty and I think it's a shame you haven't got the mental strength to have a) dealt with them better in the moment and b) been able to move on from them swiftly.

I'm sorry if you think that's a harsh response but I think it's important to be honest with you at this point J. Your parents might have made some cutting remarks and soured some occasions but it's not healthy for that to affect a middle aged man so much. You should try to access some support asap

It's really not harsh IMO. As much as you could be fooled into thinking this is the ramblings of a teenager from a rough home, it's really not and it's not helping to treat it as such.

Either sort your facking chit out or accept that you can't and your parents can't, and that you need actual help. Cos a bunch of people on a football forum that don't actually care or know what's going on can't.

Yeah it defo reads like you're mentally ill and reading between the lines your parents care for you in their own way but they either don't know how to help you emotionally or they just can't find the strength to do it after watching you torpedo your life after a certain period of time.

It sounds like the things they can offer you (a roof) they will, but the rest they've just got no clue, so you've gotta go to places that have the capacity to put you back on the right track.

As someone else said, having a job would be a great start, no matter what it is. You can pick up basic office jobs just by virtue of being available at short notice, then having some routine and some income would put you in a much better place.