Just read an incredible historical story, where a duke's son was killed by rebels who used a trebuchet to knock him off the battlements with the only available ordnance: a peasant's decapitated head.

Apparently it was the first serf-face-to-heir missile.

I just got stopped at a Police checkpoint in Belfast. I gave them their names and addresses and they said on your way.

Paracetamol are great for getting rid of headaches.

I fed five hundred of them to the mother in law

I bought my mother in law a chair for her birthday... but my wife wouldn't let me plug it in.

comment by bestoftherest2021 (U22523)
posted 10 hours, 1 minute ago
Paracetamol are great for getting rid of headaches.

I fed five hundred of them to the mother in law
----------------------------------------------------------------------
why is there no pain killers in the jungle?

cos the parrots eat em all

Did you hear about the new kind of stews and chowders, made with kangaroo and wallaby meat?

They are marsoupials

comment by Pun (U21588)
posted 8 minutes ago
Did you hear about the new kind of stews and chowders, made with kangaroo and wallaby meat?

They are marsoupials
----------------------------------------------------------------------
tried to order in the shops, but said it was out of stock

comment by whodunnit (U22710)
posted 1 minute ago
comment by Pun (U21588)
posted 8 minutes ago
Did you hear about the new kind of stews and chowders, made with kangaroo and wallaby meat?

They are marsoupials
----------------------------------------------------------------------
tried to order in the shops, but said it was out of stock
----------------------------------------------------------------------
nice

comment by Pun (U21588)
posted 32 seconds ago
comment by whodunnit (U22710)
posted 1 minute ago
comment by Pun (U21588)
posted 8 minutes ago
Did you hear about the new kind of stews and chowders, made with kangaroo and wallaby meat?

They are marsoupials
----------------------------------------------------------------------
tried to order in the shops, but said it was out of stock
----------------------------------------------------------------------
nice
----------------------------------------------------------------------
they asked me how many tins you want when they get back in.


I said 100, they said sorry its not won-ton soup

comment by whodunnit (U22710)
posted 1 minute ago
comment by Pun (U21588)
posted 32 seconds ago
comment by whodunnit (U22710)
posted 1 minute ago
comment by Pun (U21588)
posted 8 minutes ago
Did you hear about the new kind of stews and chowders, made with kangaroo and wallaby meat?

They are marsoupials
----------------------------------------------------------------------
tried to order in the shops, but said it was out of stock
----------------------------------------------------------------------
nice
----------------------------------------------------------------------
they asked me how many tins you want when they get back in.


I said 100, they said sorry its not won-ton soup
----------------------------------------------------------------------
pho real?

what did the noodles say to the spaghetti?

you an inpasta

ate 3 bowls of alphabet soup, ended up having a vowel movement

comment by whodunnit (U22710)
posted 35 seconds ago
ate 3 bowls of alphabet soup, ended up having a vowel movement
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Your next trip to the loo could spell disaster

comment by Pun (U21588)
posted 59 seconds ago
comment by whodunnit (U22710)
posted 35 seconds ago
ate 3 bowls of alphabet soup, ended up having a vowel movement
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Your next trip to the loo could spell disaster
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I added 18 carrots to it, hopefully its shiny nuggets

Just had my roof tiled for free.
They said it was on the house.

A storm blew away a quarter of my roof… oof.

comment by Pun (U21588)
posted 20 hours, 38 minutes ago
A storm blew away a quarter of my roof… oof.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
can you explain that joke .... its seems to have went over my head.

comment by whodunnit (U22710)
posted 21 minutes ago
comment by Pun (U21588)
posted 20 hours, 38 minutes ago
A storm blew away a quarter of my roof… oof.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
can you explain that joke .... its seems to have went over my head.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
like roof but missing a shingle letter

A murderer was secured to the electric chair, about to be executed.
The chaplain approached him and asked, "Do you have any last requests?"

"Yes," replied the murderer. "Would you hold my hand?"

I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.

The jokes weren’t that good, but I liked the execution.

I bet the inventor of the spoon created quite a stir.

The inventor of dog treats has died.

He was a good boy yes he was

I've got a date with a girl who identifies as a wheelie bin, but I can’t remember if I’m taking her out on Tuesday or Thursday

Rumors of a food shortage at this year’s Yorkshire awards turned out to be a complete lack of pies.