When I buy a pack of a dozen ribs, I only eat the 2nd, 3rd, 5th, 7th and 11th. I prefer prime ribs.

"Copper nitrate"


What the police earn after 11pm.

What do you call a policeman in bed?

Undercover

a policeman calls for backup
Dispatch, we've got a homicide here. Looks like This old lady just shot her husband. She claims it was because he kept tracking dirt over her freshly mopped floors. Over

Understood, is the suspect in custody? Over.

No dispatch. The floor isn't dry yet.

A POLICEMAN pulls over a speeding car and takes out his little book.
The driver lowers her window.

Policeman: “Name, please?”

Woman: “Freda.”

Policeman: “Surname?”

Woman: “Gonow.”

Policeman: “So you are Freda Gonow.”

Woman: “Thanks very much”, and she takes off!

A policeman stops a young rich kid driving a porche.
Policeman - please get out of the car.

Rich kid- you'll regret this. Do you know who my father is?

Policeman - why? Your mother didn't tell you?

hahahahahaha

Reminds me of that real footage of a policeman pulling a woman over for speeding. She said she didn't think they gave pretty girls tickets.

He said you're absolutely right we don't. Here's your ticket

Police arrested a man for stealing torches. The judge gave him a light sentence.

Someone stole all the toilets from the police station.

Police say they have nothing to go on.

A truckload of vi@gra was stolen. Police are looking for hardened criminals.

The police are interrogating a mime, but he’s not talking.

I was pulled over by the police he said “papers” so I said “scissors! I win!” Then sped off.

A large number of dogs have escaped. Police are looking for leads.

A giant hole has been knocked into the wall surrounding the nudist colony. Police are looking in to it.

Someone swiped the wheels off all the local PD's squad cars. Police are searching tirelessly to catch them.

The cops in my town arrested a dwarf fortune teller last night. This morning he escaped and they’re now looking for a small medium, at large


2 men were arrested by the police for stealing batteries and fireworks.

They charged one and let the other one off.

Once in a science class we had to assemble a human skeleton and i hid one of the arm bones as a joke. No1 found that humerous :/

A blonde female cop pulls over a blonde female driver and asks to see her licence

“What does it look like?” asks the driver as she rummages through her handbag

“It’s that small rectangular thing with your picture on it” replies the cop

“Oh here it is” the driver replies as she hands the cop her compact mirror

The cop takes a look at it and replies “If I knew you were a policewoman I wouldn’t have pulled you over”

Did i ever tell you i was once a guardian of the galaxy? Worked security at a Samsung store.

GT doesnt have Wifi anymore, didnt like it when i kept asking him for his SS ID.

comment by Inbefore (U20589)
posted 5 minutes ago
GT doesnt have Wifi anymore, didnt like it when i kept asking him for his SS ID.
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There was a famous Viking called Rudolph the Red. He could predict when it would rain. Whenever anyone would ask how he did it, he would reply, “Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”

I was once walking down a street and a man offered me a free sofa and chairs. I said no because my mother always told me not to accept suites from strangers.

comment by Inbefore (U20589)
posted 52 seconds ago
I was once walking down a street and a man offered me a free sofa and chairs. I said no because my mother always told me not to accept suites from strangers.
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My car's airbags went off today and the mechanic told me they're going to be expensive to replace due to inflation.